I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
