Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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