When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
