He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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