I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
