mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You smell like stripper and shame
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
