it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
