I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
