Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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