i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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