dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
