chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
