How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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