I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
