I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
