Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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