so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
