Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
