I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
