i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
