Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
