Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
