Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
