I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
