i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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