My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
