I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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