so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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