bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
