woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize