At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
