actually, I'm a sock model
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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