OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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