i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize