Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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