I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
