ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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