OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
