Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
