Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
