Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
