I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
