***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
