Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
