The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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