So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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