Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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