Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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