Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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