We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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