even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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