i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
