it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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