went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
