Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
