Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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