I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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