yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
