I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
