why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
