do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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