Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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