Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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