we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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